Project Proposals

Comedy pitches (non-dance/doc/commercial)

ArtPeers 2026 – All Rights Reserved

Frogs in a Boiling Pot

No one would believe any of this is real

Comedy short set in the 1990s – a writer pitches a script about (actual) events from 2016-2026, all of which would seem bonkers in any other era.

...

ABSTRACT
Set in 1990s. Two guys talking in an executive office. WRITER pitching a script to a PRODUCER. The script is a compilation of actual events from 2016-2026, which sound impossible – ridiculous almost beyond the point of being funny.

PREMISE
Hybrid of comedy and Twilight Zone, commentary on how we gradually become conditioned to increasingly chaotic developments in society.

FORMAT+SETUP
Relatively simple setup (two actors, office). Maybe PRODUCER records WRITER’s pitch on a VHS camera, and we open with that style shot.

OPTION 1
*Optional* – include a short intro set in current day, featuring the movie exec at a bar or something. Exec is 30 years older, describing this “very strange pitch” he rejected several decades ago. Exec believes his rejection of this stranger’s pitch is partly why society has become so fractured, now. He could refer to himself as the modern day Bad Samaritan, cursed to wander this hellscape of late 2026.

OPTION 2
*Optional* – the last dozen “events” the WRITER describes could be “montaged” into rapid fire cuts with fades, because the viewer will be familiar with the events. The WRITER could break the fourth wall and say “don’t montage me” near the end when the PRODUCER starts interacting with the WRITER again.

PROP NOTE
The WRITER has storyboarding printouts which the viewer may never see, if we film it that way. The storyboarding printouts are mainly a visual pacing and distraction element: we couldn’t create actual storyboard graphics without AI, but the viewer doesn’t necessarily need to see storyboard art, because we are living in this reality and the examples the WRITER describes are things that have actually happened. So we could either use AI and explain transparently that we had to because we didn’t have a budget… or we just show the backs of the printouts and the PRODUCER’s reactions to each, since we’ll be familiar (as viewers) with the examples the WRITER references.

SELLING POINT FOR PROJECT
Someone is going to do a sketch, episode, series or movie like this, because it’s just a mind-boggling list.

THE WRITER’S PITCH (EXAMPLES)

WRITER
During an Oval Office visit by Japan’s prime minister, the President of the United States is asked about a recent U.S. surprise attack on some other country.

[WRITER DRAWS A DEEP BREATH]

EXEC
What did he say?

WRITER
Listen. To. This. The President looks at the reporter and he says, “Who knows better about surprise than Japan?” And then he looks at Japan’s Prime Minister, seated there next to him in the Oval Office. And he says, “Why didn’t you tell me about Pearl Harbor?”

EXEC
What did he say?

WRITER
I just told you.

EXEC
No, the Prime Minister.

WRITER
Oh. Sheeee.

EXEC
I don’t get it. Oh, the Prime Minister’s name is “Shi.”

WRITER
O-M-G bro. She’s on first. Look imma keep going.

WRITER
Is this what the pilot is about? The wacky adventures of a made-up wack-a-doo President?

WRITER
This is not a comedy. Pick any other category for the Emmy. Not comedy. Ok. Moving on. It’s a week before the 250th Anniversary of America. The President decides he wants the Reflecting Pool at the Lincoln Memorial to be clear blue. He calls his pool-cleaner from his hotel and has the government give this dude millions of dollars to make the pool blue.

EXEC
You can’t do that. There’s at least ten things wrong with that.

WRITER
Right? Anyways the pool turns murky again, sort of green. So they start dumping hydrogen peroxide in it. Like they send someone to Walgreens and buy all their hydrogen peroxide. But that doesn’t work so they arrest this Olympic champion who was visiting the pool with family. They say he made it murky or green, or whatever. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. So the President says this guy turned the water murky to make him look bad. They get a grand jury together but they’re all like “pffff no.” So the President gets really mad at the U.S. Attorney.

EXEC
That’s it?

WRITER
People can’t really stay with one thing for more than a couple days tops. So the next thing is, Qatar gives the President this jet to use as Air Force One, as a gift. Like, hey, you’re the best, have a jet.

EXEC
Don’t we have an Air Force One?

WRITER
Yeah but the President likes this one from Qatar because he can keep it when he leaves office. We just have to do a few millions dollars in upgrades, first.

EXEC
What do you mean “keep it?” That’s impossible.

WRITER
This guy just does stuff. He doesn’t ask permission, he doesn’t stop when people say “no,” and he doesn’t get in trouble afterward.

EXEC
That makes it sound like he’s a rapist.

WRITER
Spoiler alert! Don’t worry, we’ll get to the rape stuff.

EXEC
What?

WRITER
Anyways the President starts using the jet before it gets upgraded with self-defense missiles and all that. Then some enemy country threatens to shoot down the President on a trip, so they put him on a military jet: they sneak him off the gifted Air Force one jet in a catering cart. And they leave all his cabinet and the reporters and staff on the jet that was supposed to get shot down. And they flew home in that.

EXEC
And he flew back in a military jet.

WRITER
Yes but that story is boring now. So the President has been trying to rename the Kennedy Center after himself. But a court told him to stop.

EXEC
So did he just keep doing it?

WRITER
He heard the court say “stop” and he was like, “Speak English, please?” Like, “What language are you speaking right now?”

EXEC
What did he do?

WRITER
He said – if he had to take his name down, he would tear the Kennedy Center down, and then he’d build an amphitheater.

EXEC
And what, name that after himself?

WRITER
That’s a bingo!

EXEC
What is this show about? What kind of show is it?

WRITER
Just not a comedy.

EXEC
So these stories… are, like, a montage.

WRITER
It’s more like the speedbag boxers use to train. The boxer is the future. We are the speedbag.

EXEC
[STARING AT WRITER]

WRITER
So it comes out that the President is trading stocks like crazy, like every day, and he’s making hundreds of millions of dollars — buying and selling stock in companies before and after he makes policy announcements about them.

EXEC
And nobody says anything.

WRITER
Oh no people definitely have something to say about the insider trading — specifically, they want in. So the President starts selling early access to policy announcements, meaning, people can buy and sell stocks before the market opens.

EXEC
Holy shit. And how much does that cost?

WRITER
Hundred large.

EXEC
A hundred dollars per person.

WRITER
A hundred thousand dollars per person.

EXEC
So the President is making a hundred thousand dollars per person, per year?

WRITER
Per month. Sir did you grow up poor? A hundred K per year is Little House on the Prairie money.

EXEC
There must be rampant inflation I’m guessing.

WRITER
I mean gas is $5 per gallon but most people can’t afford McDonald’s so where are they gonna go? A hundred thousand per month is the least someone can pay to make sure they know what’s going to happen before it actually happens.

[WRITER BREAKS FOURTH WALL]

EXEC
So what happens to him?

WRITER
Nothing, people are already bored with the insider trading. Which means the President returns to an old favorite: hating windmills. He cancels the previous administration’s funding for renewable energy and threatens to sue a company building a windmill farm on the coast. Because this dude HATES windmills. It’s like the number one priority in cabinet meetings.

EXEC
Who is in his cabinet?

WRITER
The co-owner of the World Wrestling Federation is in charge of the Department of Education. So that’s fun. One of Oprah’s co-hosts runs Medicare. A lady from Fox News becomes an ambassador. Another Fox News host becomes National Intelligence Director. Another Fox News host becomes U.S. Attorney for D.C. An MTV reality show personality becomes the Transportation Secretary; oh yeah, I think he was on Fox News, too. The Department of Health is run by a former heroin addict who’s super into road-kill taxidermy, and he bans vaccines. Another Fox News host becomes Secretary of Defense, but he changes the name of that to The Department of War.

EXEC
Department of War.

WRITER
He’s so fierce. I think he has Nazi tattoos or something. Totally normal. Oh and speaking of him, he’s doing war one day and they’re planning a bombing raid, I think, and this is so buns – he’s using a phone app to plan this top-secret mission, and he accidentally invites a reporter to the chat. So embarrassing. But oh well, no big deal.

EXEC
I’ll let you keep going because this is the most insane pitch I’ve ever heard and that’s saying something.

WRITER
Ok the head of the FBI will use a bunch of government jets to fly his girlfriend to concerts and stuff. The Vice President will use Air Force Two to bring his son to baseball practice or something. Other department heads will order multiple private jets and dozens of Cadillac Escalades for, just to have more. Like in case.

WRITER
The department of defense will spend $25 million dollars in one month on crab, steak and lobster while the USS Abraham Lincoln is stationed in the Strait of Hormuz for nearly a year running, basically out of food.

EXEC
Well that’s nice at least, you have to admit.

WRITER
Bro THEY eat the steak and lobster – the people running the Pentagon. Meanwhile some personnel are jumping off the Abraham Lincoln due to the deteriorating conditions and incredibly long mission. Later the sailors who jump overboard and live… get courtmartialed.

WRITER
After the deficit hits 40 trillion dollars and President starts a war with Iran and diesel prices hit six dollars, his party is in the crapper for the midterm elections. So he says he’ll give everyone $5,000 if his party wins the midterms.

EXEC
Everyone, as in, everyone?

WRITER
Yeah 1.2 trillion dollars. Roughly the entire cost of the U.S. military. If his party wins.

EXEC
That’s illegal – wait, the deficit is 40 trillion dollars?

WRITER
You have to try and keep up. Next, the president demolishes the East Wing of the White House without asking anyone. He’ll also pave over the Kennedy Rose Garden and remove all the, uhm, roses. And he’ll host a martial arts fight on the White House lawn. Oh and he’ll announce plans to build a billion dollar ballroom with no-bid contracts, and he will talk about the ballroom a lot. Like a lot.

WRITER
The President will relentlessly try to negotiate the purchase Greenland from Denmark, and when they say no, he threatens to take it militarily. He also will demand that Canada become the 51st state, punishing them with tariffs that result in Canada banning US imports like whiskey. So they hate us.

WRITER
Immigration enforcement gets a budget bigger than the Marine Corps. They’re allowed to wear face masks, and magic gloves that electrocute anyone they touch. They arrest legal residents and send them to Africa. They kill several U.S. citizens.

WRITER
After the final World Cup match of 2026, hosted in the U.S., the President will push his way into the victory photographs with the Spanish team after their World Cup win, resulting in players nudging him away and official photos cropping him out.

WRITER
On a state visit with the Queen of England, the President will violate strict protocols by repeatedly pushing his way past her and walking directly ahead of her and blocking her path.

WRITER
The President will repeatedly suggest to national security officials that the U.S. military should drop nuclear bombs into hurricanes to destroy them.

WRITER
During a prolonged epidemic of a flu-like disease during which millions of Americans die, the President will publicly float the idea during a televised briefing that researchers look into injecting chemical disinfectants like bleach into the human body to clear the virus, along with bombarding the intestines with ultraviolet light.

WRITER
The President will routinely fall asleep on camera during high-profile events and meetings, despite giving his predecessor the nickname “Sleepy Joe.”

EXEC
Do people notice this?

WRITER
He has nicknames for everybody, he’s very consistent about this: Little Marco, Crazy Nancy, Shifty Schiff, etcetera.

EXEC
I meant do they notice he falls asleep. The people in the room.

WRITER
Oh yeah but nobody would ever say anything to him. Like nobody says anything when he replaces all the plaques in the Hall of Presidents with rewritten versions based on his own opinions of former presidents, often very negative, sometimes including photoshopped images to mock them. Then he announces a concert to celebrate the nation’s 250th Anniversary but the bands pull out to save their careers. So he does a free, “state fair” style event on the National Mall but only 25-50 people attend.

EXEC
So he’s like a lame duck during his whole presidency?

WRITER
No, he has full control of Congress and the Supreme Court and they do whatever he says. They have regular televised meetings where they all take turns saying he’s the greatest president in U.S. history.

EXEC
It sounds like North Korea.

WRITER
Oh he loves North Korea, he goes there sometimes, they are total bros. Moving on. He is convicted of rape by a jury in a civil suit and forced to pay a $5 million settlement but he refuses. Dozens of other women accuse him of sexual assault, many of whom he randomly insults on live television during unrelated speeches or interviews.

WRITER
The President is named in an investigation of a child sex criminal who was one of his close friends and with whom he visited often on islands where child sex abuse occurred. But his administration withholds, redacts and deletes evidence that includes his name, and there’s nothing anyone can do.

WRITER
During a solar eclipse he stares straight into the sun despite aides imploring him to stop

WRITER
He pays a porn star hundreds of thousands of dollars to not talk about him, but she does, describing his penis as a mushroom.

EXEC
No notes. Go on.

WRITER
When he loses an election he encourages his supporters to do an insurrection and they take over the Capital for an afternoon, killing some police officers and pooping all over the place. Then they give up and another guy gets elected. But he gets reelected four years later and pardons the insurrectionists and creates a billion dollar fund to pay them for their work and suffering.

WRITER
He releases Photoshopped images in the media depicting himself as Jesus Christ healing this guy named Jon Stewart.

EXEC
Who the hell is Jon Stewart? Is that a character in his cabinet or something?

WRITER
He’s nobody, just a name we made up, I’m not sure what’s ailing him but the President definitely heals him.

EXEC
So, a Photoshop image of the President as Jesus Christ.

WRITER
Healing Jon Stewart. Yes. I know, it’s a lot. But yes, Jesus Christ. Anyways, at the start of his second term the President will attempt to create a $250 bill and put his face on it. He basically signs new decrees, almost every day, using a big-ass Sharpie marker. He signs them and holds them up and all you can see is his huge name like an EKG.

EXEC
Like a king.

WRITER
Exactly. Ok. So the person who was President before him is a black guy from Chicago.

EXEC
[INTERRUPTS WRITER]
Are you being serious right now?

WRITER
Yes, we have a black President in office who serves two terms before this guy.

EXEC
How can I say this in a way you’ll understand. Did you ever see the episode of “Happy Days” where Fonzie is water-skiing and he jumps over an actual shark?

WRITER
Classic. That is a classic episode. Yes. Everyone knows that episode.

EXEC
Is this “black President” assassinated?

WRITER
No.

EXEC
And your guy, who’s constantly making the worst decisions, does anybody try to assassinate him?

WRITER
Oh my god constantly.

EXEC
Okay, in terms of the narrative, what purpose does the so-called “black President” serve?

WRITER
Oh right: the President in our show makes Photoshopped images of the black President and his wife — as apes.

EXEC
Your guy must really love Photoshop.

WRITER
It’s a different software that he uses but yes, he creates these photos and videos all the time. There’s another time where he makes a video of himself flying a fighter jet over cities he doesn’t like, dropping poop on them.

EXEC
Cities… like, Baghdad, or something?

WRITER
No, New York City. Basically if your city has a Democrat mayor, you’re getting the poop.

EXEC
I don’t know where to start with all of this.

WRITER
He actually starts calling them Dumocrats.

EXEC
Ok nobody is going to take it seriously that the President of the United States of America is making pretend videos of himself flying a fighter jet and dropping poop on American people in American cities.

WRITER
I agree with every word you just said. Moving on.

EXEC
[LAUGHS, SHRUGS SHOULDERS]

WRITER
He hires a trillionaire who’s a quote-unquote entrepreneur…

EXEC
There are trillionaires in this show?

WRITER
Yes there’s a trillionaire who’s openly abusing ketamine during campaign events…

EXEC
You mean Ketamine as in the horse tranquilizer?

WRITER
Yeah, the horse tranquilizer.

EXEC
Can’t it be, like, cocaine or heroin or something more plausible?

WRITER
I think it’s all of those things, but mainly Ketamine. So he brings in this trillionaire who’s really into Ketamine and a bunch of 20 year olds with no government experience or security clearance, in order to eliminate a lot of programs from the federal budget, resulting in massive cuts that cause damage to everything from health care to the cattle industry, along with cancellations of hundreds of millions of dollars in grants including Holocaust education programs, the termination of tens of thousands of jobs, and the loss of many of the world’s top researchers who are subsequently recruited by foreign governments, and many deaths of vulnerable populations worldwide including people suffering from life-threatening illnesses.

WRITER
There’s a speech where the President suddenly starts making fun of a physically disabled journalist who wrote a critical op-ed about him.

EXEC
Do you mean the President criticizes what the journalist wrote about him?

WRITER
No, sorry, the President stands on stage and flails his arms around, making a wildly distorted face, and alters his voice like a cartoon character. The whole nine yards.

EXEC
Like boys do in locker rooms.

WRITER
Speaking of locker rooms, there’s a part in an interview before he’s first elected, where he tells a reporter that he’s allowed to grab random women by their genitalia whenever he wants to, because he’s famous.

EXEC
And just so I’m understanding you, he still gets elected after the evening news plays an interview where he says – I’m checking my notes – he can randomly grab women by their private parts.

WRITER
By the pussy, specifically.

EXEC
Well that is specific. Is Ketamine something that is in the water, in this timeline?

WRITER
Oh god I wish.

EXEC
Let’s keep going.

WRITER
So the President owns a lot of resorts and golf courses. And he requires official events to take place at his properties. So he makes all the hundreds and hundreds of staff and secret service pay him for rooms and meals and he gets to keep all the money. Foreign governments, specifically a lot of Arab and OPEC nations, hold extravagant events at his properties and pay exorbitant amounts of money and then get favorable treatment with trade deals, military weapons, permission to build nuclear missiles, stuff like that. One of the countries is filmed allegedly killing a Washington Post journalist at a foreign embassy, but they don’t get in trouble and they remain a key ally.

EXEC
Because they stayed at the president’s hotels?

WRITER
I think it was more because they give the president’s son-in-law a billion dollar loan or something, I don’t have that part finished yet. But it wasn’t just staying in hotels, no. I mean murder is kind of VIP.

EXEC
Yeah I mean that seems like it’d cost more. So wait, is the son-in-law part of this administration?

WRITER
Yeah, he fails his security clearance so the president has to sign a waiver.

EXEC
Okay. Are all of his family members involved in the administration?

WRITER
More or less. The First Lady launches a jewelry line on QVC and her White House website bio will include promotions and website links to help people buy it. The government websites are sort of the way that she advertises. His aides also help market the First Lady’s merchandise during press conferences. They love her jewelry, man.

EXEC
Does she have to explain any of this to the people, or Congress, or anything?

WRITER
Yes. She actually makes a statement about all of it. She says “I really don’t care, do you?”

EXEC
Okay… and next? I wish I had some popcorn. I’d sprinkle some ketamine on it.

WRITER
He will nominate a Commerce Department head who has many millions of dollars in stocks involving companies he directly oversees. He creates policies that affect his own holdings.

WRITER
After the President leaves office in his first term, pictures will be leaked of huge boxes of top-secret documents that he took with him, which are stored in a random bathroom or a closet at one of his golf courses. Eventually we get some of it back, several months later, but a lot of it is missing.

EXEC
Do you mean actual top-secret? Because they classify a lot of routine stuff.

WRITER
So highly classified only 2-3 people in the entire U.S. government have a high enough clearance to see it.

EXEC
That’s a spicy meatball. Next?

WRITER
He cancels a lot of visa programs but he’ll create a million dollar gold visa program that people can buy. It’s a literal card of gold.

WRITER
The year before he gets reelected, he gets arrested and processed four separate times. He even uses one of his mugshots as his official government headshot photo.

WRITER
While he’s in office he sues the IRS for $10 billion and demands immunity from any future audits.

WRITER
Measles make a comeback. People and babies start dying from it. The fed says to eat more chicken soup.

WRITER
This part’s kind of boring and it might get cut but he will create the longest government shutdown in US history. And while his party controls the White House, the House, the Senate, and the Supreme Court, he blames the Democrats and the previous President for the shutdown.

WRITER
He removes news outlets from the White House press pool if they write anything critical about his administration, replacing them with random people who write blogs on the World Wide Web.

WRITER
He will refer to several third world nations as “shithole countries” on live television and also accuse immigrants of eating cats and dogs in Ohio, during a debate.

WRITER
After a group of neo-nazis march through Charlottesville he will react to the violence that occurs by saying there are fine people on both sides of the situation.

WRITER
He will praise a congressional candidate who violently body slams a reporter for asking questions about health care.

WRITER
He’ll address a Boy Scout jamboree by talking about some “very hot” cocktail parties he has been to.

WRITER
There’s a lot more, I’m trying to summarize so you get a general feel for the show.

EXEC
I just feel like this has to be a comedy or parody because there’s no way someone like this will not be impeached!

WRITER
Oh he’s impeached multiple times, but just never removed from office. It’s not a comedy.

EXEC
Okay, I just have to ask. Is this so-called President someone people know? Like a Senator, or someone famous?

[WRITER leans forward and whispers the name into the EXEC’s ear.]

[EXEC LAUGHS LOUDLY]

EXEC
Okay, usually I will say that we’ll keep it on our radar, and we’ll let you know… but I just have to be honest. No. While this has been a pitch I will never, ever forget… definitely no.

[FADE OUT]

The Sign Game

Reacting to billboards in a moving vehicle

Comedy series with three passengers and a driver dressed as Immortan Joe, making fun of signs and billboards while driving down a Michigan highway.

...

PREMISE
The Sign Game is a comedic pilot episode with humor specific to the Midwest/Michigan region. It features three adult passengers and a largely unseen/unheard “father figure” who suggests they play “the sign game” to pass the time while driving (destination possibly being the castle in Grandville lol.) Their version of the sign game involves a recurring series of often vulgar commentary about various billboard and electronic signs they drive by on the highway, with occasional riffs about related, topical and culturally relevant items.

FORMAT+SETUP
Technically this is very straightforward: buy two more Osmo Pocket 4 Creator Combo packages, put three comedians in one vehicle with an OP4 dedicated to each of them. Director/writer drives, possibly dressed as Immortan Joe with classic Joe quotes like “Mediocre” after various jokes. There’ll also be a follow (or lead) car that will telephoto on the various signs/billboards will become the focus of each new segment (see Quips, Riffs) with lots of room for improv in rehearsals.

OPENING/INTRO
Use photoshop to CGI a billboard with title of this project, i.e. The Sign Game (will require a stabilized or static shot of random billboard.)
RIFF: please no zipper merges today
RIFF: Too confusing daddy
RIFF: Too extreme

BB: Morse Law (attorney billboard)
QUIP: someone please tell me how “morse code” isn’t this guy’s whole thing?
QUIP: it’s right there, he’s so close
QUIP: this billboard is out of order
QUIP: this man’s creative director is out of order
QUIP: this whole marketing campaign is out of order
QUIP: can we please telegraph his ad guy
QUIP: sos motherfucker beep beep beep
QUIP: how do you trust this guy with your freedom if he doesn’t know Morse code exists
QUIP: beeeeep beeeeep beeeeeeeeeeeep
QUIP: the telegraph is so ready for a comeback
QUIP: telegraph — 2027 is your year girl
QUIP: the new internet
QUIP: Learn it.
QUIP: Know it.
QUIP: Live it.

[BB: either about cookies (food) or internet/tech] 
QUIP: You know when you go to a website for the first time and it gives you all these options for how you want your cookies?
QUIP: do you want all the cookies, or just some.
QUIP: I’m like FUCK YES give me all the cookies.
QUIP: Right? Do you think I’m a pussy?
QUIP: For real. NO, I do NOT want to “manage cookies,” this is NOT a relationship, I am not looking for a long-term thing here.
QUIP: I do not have time for that shit.
QUIP: I think when you meet someone for the first time, they should do that.
QUIP: Give me ALL your cookies.
QUIP: And first dates should be like that.
QUIP: Ima be like Cookie Monster num num num
QUIP: and yes I want to keep up on all the new stuff, give me that newsletter, I’m so CURIOUS keep me informed please; and yes I will allow notifications
QUIP: you are actually describing a relationship
QUIP: a really good one honestly
QUIP: I want access to your microphone
QUIP: you only love me for my cache

BB: Steak ‘N Shake: “Now With Tallow”
QUIP: [simultaneous] ohhh no!!!
QUIP: the hardest part about the end times is believing Steak ‘n Shake was real
QUIP: the one by me has ivy all over it, mad max vibes
QUIP: a lot of billboards look like they’ve been up for 30 years, like they just forgot
QUIP: It’s giving thunder dome.
QUIP: it’s giving “leaded gasoline”
QUIP: it’s giving “Argentine beef burgers’
QUIP: libs hate gas
QUIP: and burgers
QUIP: there’s people in this world who think this is such a victory, like they won game over
QUIP: fucken game over man
QUIP: omg der der I’m so free, finally, this is what freedom tastes like
QUIP: fun fact RFK cums tallow
QUIP: that’s literally what tallow is
QUIP: that’s literally what everything is
QUIP: that’s what all of this is about
QUIP: that’s where this whole road leads
QUIP: the drive thru speaker is RFK’s voice
QUIP: while he’s cumming
QUIP: that’s why he looks like he’s in pain
QUIP: making the tallow
QUIP: all day long, tanker trucks full of it
QUIP: loads and loads
QUIP: imagine the sounds that come out of that man
QUIP: hard pass
QUIP: Steak ‘n Shake legit used to be awesome, high key, it was like the diner in back to the future
QUIP: now it’s like biff tannen won
QUIP: America is literally biff tannen’s pleasure palace
QUIP: And tallow is literally RFK jizz
QUIP: pull over I’m deadass going to puke
QUIP: 64 ounces RFK you better WERK
QUIP: make tallow rhyme with swallow again
QUIP: [regurgitate] make America gag again

BB: Billboard for adult store or strip club
RIFF: I have a great idea for a porno.
RIFF: I hate that whole sentence, say less
RIFF: please do not share your IP, keep your secrets
RIFF: It’s on a ship, like an old ship, but mostly ladies
RIFF: ah, one of those old ships with a crew of ladies for crew, yes, go on.
RIFF: So there’s a guy who, once they leave port, he’s got all the oranges in his cabin.
RIFF: standard tale of the sea shit, such a trope
RIFF: he locks the door and eats ALL the oranges.
RIFF: can that be the end I don’t want to know
RIFF: then at dinner he starts talking about scurvy and how he ate all the oranges.
RIFF: wait — does he make everyone have sex with him so they can get vitamin c?
RIFF: boom, that’s it, fire, tale as old as time
RIFF: are there ANY guys on this ship? Is he bi?
RIFF: so yeah he actually throws some oranges overboard and the guys on this ship are so homophobic, they’d rather take their chances chasing those oranges than suck this guy’s dick, so they jump.
RIFF: so much less work to just suck his dick
RIFF: okay ima have to take your word on that but anyway these other dudes on this ship they gotta walk the plank, there’s no future for them in this story.
RIFF: So why don’t the ladies just kill the guy and drink his blood or do IV transfusions or whatever.
RIFF: That is not how vitamin c works. You can only get it from cum. That’s science
RIFF: that can’t be true.
RIFF: willing suspension of disbelief
RIFF: yeah I’m all out of that

BB: digital MDOT billboard “ozone action day”
QUIP: Ozone action days are like every problem I have, nobody gives a single fuck
QUIP: yeah let’s ride our bike today bc it’s an ozone action day
QUIP: can you imagine a world where people do shit like that?
QUIP: I can, and I want to go there
QUIP: yeah me too
QUIP: we are so cooked

BB: hvac/decks with doggie picture
QUIP: every billboard should be dogs
QUIP: that’s just common knowledge
QUIP: I don’t even have a deck or air conditioner [whatever the BB is about] and I still want to hire them to repair it.

BB: Salvation type billboard
QUIP: could you imagine going back in time and telling Jesus in 2000 years he’d be half of all billboards
QUIP: also telling Him that He would become white
QUIP: he would have wept

BB: casinos sports betting
QUIP: you gotta fight
QUIP: for your right
QUIP: to parrrrrrrrrlay

BB: [board where “fuck” or “stoned” is double entendre]
QUIP: omg we’re so naughty
QUIP: pantomimes used to have layers
QUIP: I think that word’s doing a lot of work if you’re talking about billboards
QUIP: hey kids
QUIP: kids don’t give a truck
QUIP: what the truck did you just say to me
QUIP: want some of my caulk
QUIP: oh ha ha our cannabis is HIGH quality
QUIP: fed ex is the SHIP
QUIP: speedway is the biggest gas hole
QUIP: save ~ big ~ money ~ on my nards

BB: text of scripture quote from the Bible
QUIP: billboards with Bible quotes must ruin The Sign Game for parents with young children
QUIP: mommy I just need an “s”
QUIP: mommy what is sodomy?

BB: [some billboard referencing science]
RIFF: Neil deGrasse Tyson thinks he has an answer for everything. I’d like to get so fucking stoned with him that he’d just shut the fuck up for two minutes. Just get him completely baked and then gaslight him into getting even more stoned so he could SHUT THE FUCK UP — please, bro ,you don’t know every goddamn thing. I’d like to get to the point where someone asks him how big the universe is and he just smiles and shakes his head, “I don’t know man.” Yeah no shit you don’t know! That is the correct answer! Goddamn shut the fuck up Neil.

Text To Talk

A text message conversation IRL

Short comedic video — conversation between two characters featuring the tone and tempo of a text-message conversation but in real life (IRL).

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Our Thing With Phones Is Bananas

Stylistic critique on use of mobile devices

Experimental visual commentary about how mobile devices are engrained in our lives, lots of room for highly stylized, creative filmmaking.

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