The Line Between Grace and Gullibility
How do we respond to people expressing regret for political views that are now causing them hardship?
I don’t know anyone who expected this, but here we are. I want to explore language used to express regret, and how it can inform responses. But first, let’s acknowledge that it can be difficult to admit when you’re wrong.
It’s even more difficult to admit you were wrong about politics. Recent data shows, political affiliations increasingly overlap with individual identity (see diagram, below).
Even Tucker “Just Asking Questions” Carlson is out here apologizing for his politics. I don’t know if that was on my bingo card, honestly bingo seems super boring. People playing it look unhappy.
What do we do with this?
There’s a four-letter word to describe how people are responding to all of this: FAFO. It’s military slang that stands for Fool Around and Find Out (or its more NSFW version) meaning, “to do something ill-advised or stupid and discover the consequences of that action, in some cases involving serious injury or even fatality.”
Generally, reactions fall into the category of Schadenfreude, a German term that means “harm/joy” — the experience of pleasure or self-satisfaction that comes from troubles, failures, suffering, or humiliation of another.
Military veteran and retired police officer Vincent Ross recently shared a video that illustrates FAFO and Schadenfreude.
Ross claims that MAGA supporters went out of their way to make people resent them, “as if it were their full-time job,” wearing color coded apparel and outfitting their vehicles with big flags or handmade signs with antagonistic, often vulgar messages. He says their mantra of “F*** YOUR FEELINGS” is hard to reconcile, now, as they post their feelings about the high cost of living, etc. They definitely want F’s.
Anger Is Understandable
Responding in anger (to people saying they regret supporting MAGA) is understandable. Policies and actions of the administration that supporters put into power have caused human suffering, and death.
Furthermore, it’s virtually impossible for anyone who supported MAGA to claim they were fooled. Even if supporters discounted warnings from liberals, the administration had a blueprint and they have delivered: more than half of Project 2025 objectives have been accomplished. The document was available months before precincts opened in 2024.
Language Matters
Not all regret is equal. It is fair to require someone to establish they are operating in good faith. Genuine remorse begins with looking outward, beyond the hardships you are experiencing, acknowledging pain caused to other people. Accountability means owning your role in what has happened without making excuses or rationalizing. And there ought to be a clearly stated desire to make amends and change future behavior.
Unfortunately, many of ‘regret’ posts I see are based on first-person hardships, i.e. “I can barely afford gas and groceries.” While affordability is a very real problem, there are many recent developments that could’ve prompted a moment of clarity. The list of things the rest of us have been witnessing and experiencing is staggering.
– trillions of dollars in additional debt
– billions spent bombing countries
– untold thousands of lives lost globally
– people kicked off Medicaid and SNAP
– inhumane treatment of legal migrants
– decimation of scientific/medical advance
– protecting people guilty of sexual assault
– pardoning people who committed fraud
– federal employees killing of U.S. citizens
– mistreatment/killing of deportees
– destruction of White House, forests, etc.
– ruining alliances, global instability
– accelerating undeniable climate change
– halting vaccination, causing epidemics
– overturning laws, harming women
– pitting cities/states against one another
– engaging in insider trading, fraud
– mistreating active/veteran military
– illegal deportations, separating families
– wars, military strikes without oversight
It’s embittering when people show regret only after they begin to experience their own suffering. It’s difficult to form a generous or productive response to that. Hence, we see reactions rife with FAFO and Schadenfreude.
Empathy: So Hot Right Now
When someone expresses regret by describing their own suffering, they are seeking empathy. And that’s a tough pill because “empathy” has been derided and mocked by MAGA for years. Supporters effectively declared a “war on empathy” by actively framing it as a distinct weakness, moral hazard, or political weapon.
During a Feb. 28, 2025 appearance on The Joe Rogan Experience, Elon Musk declared that empathy is “the fundamental weakness of Western civilization.” He described empathy as “civilizational suicide,” saying it is harmful to institutional strength. Buddy!
Conservative commentator Allie Beth Stuckey argued that empathy is an emotional exploit used by liberals to trick Christians into accepting progressive policies, arguing that compassion over strict rule enforcement is a moral distortion.
And when religious leaders make public statements urging mercy or humanitarian treatment for marginalized communities, MAGA aligned-intellectuals frequently mock the sentiment. On July 25, 2024, Jordan Peterson used Rogan’s platform to mock religious pleas for immigrants, coining the phrase “suicidal empathy,” arguing that the Left “parasitizes” natural human empathy.
Some right-wing Christian nationalists and theologians frame empathy as an actual sin or a sign of an “effeminate church.”
MAGA political memes often celebrate the emotional distress of political opponents — explicitly empathy, as a target for mockery rather than evidence of shared humanity.
With all of this in mind, maybe you can imagine how difficult it is for empathetic people to respond enthusiastically to pleas for empathy, now that the administration’s policies are causing harm to its supporters. Furthermore many “regret” posts include an unabashed commitment to continue to support the current administration, despite the list of things that the person thinks are unfair or hard for them, now.
So, again, as a result of the endless attacks against the empathy now being sought, we see responses to regret… which mirror the same animosity that defined MAGA messaging for years. None of which is helping anything.
What do we do with this?
When we see people complaining about the outcomes they voted for, I totally understand the urge to say “F those people.” That’s human. We’ve been hearing them say it to everyone else for years. That’s how we got here.
Below is an example of this sentiment.
To what end?
Must be some kind of way out of here,
said the joker to the thief.
(Bob Dylan, “All Along The Watchtower)
When I see someone expressing remorse, I look at the language they use, to inform my response. For example, as I mentioned earlier, some posts speak exclusively in first person, describing their own difficulties: no mention of others who are suffering, no ownership of the problem, and no talk of doing anything differently. I’m not sure what to do with that. Especially when they declare their beliefs have not changed and their support is unshaken. I decide, maybe there’s nothing productive I can say in response.
But what if someone acknowledges that their support helped create this situation? What if they acknowledge other people’s hardships? And what if there’s evidence of intentionality for doing things differently, going forward?
Obviously this (above) is a best-case example of good-faith remorse. It’s a little “pie in sky.” But if we are shaming everyone who voted a certain way, with no way out, we cannot move forward. Punishment is not necessarily a pathway to progress.
At the same time I recognize that people sometimes need to find their bottom (not a pun, cheeky monkeys) before they have a moment of clarity and choose to recover.
I realize that people with experience in social justice may have issues with what I’m saying: why am I bending over backward to capitulate to oppressive people? If we just excuse every harmful behavior in society and move on, there is no rule of law, just chaos. I get that.
And people in MAGA may say, “Oh, now you’re deciding how I must express myself in order to meet your standards?” I mean, no. I’m not telling anyone to do anything. I’m talking about how I process choices people are making all on their own. But I get it.
I think it’s obvious that we’re at a pivotal moment as a society, and we need to figure out if there is indeed a path for those who want to to work together to make life more livable. It’s also obvious that we need to define what is our threshold for grace. We are hardwired for empathy and we want the best for this country. We can’t be gullible. But I don’t think we can afford to play FU PONG forever either.